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Folks, I certainly cannot take credit for this, but it is entertaining and oh so very true.  

• DON'T SQUAT WITH YER SPURS ON!
• A Cowboy's Guide to Life
• Don't never interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.
• Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
• There's more ways to skin a cat than stickin' his head in a boot jack and jerkin' on his tail.
• The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.
• If it don't seem like its worth the effort, it probably ain't.
• When dealin' with a slick son a bitch, start off by pinnin' him down and changing' his oil.
• Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good
• whiskey.
• If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
• Don't worry about biting off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
• Good judgment comes from experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
• Tellin' a man to go to hell and makin' him do it are two entirely different propositions.
• Makin' it in life is kinda like bustin' broncs: you're gonna getthrown alot. The simple secret is to keep getting' back on.
• Never miss a chance to rest your horse.
• Generally speaking, fancy titles and nightshirts are a waste of time.
• If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
• When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
• You can just about always stand more'n you think you can.
• A man who wants to loan you a slicker when it ain't rainin' ain't doin' much for you.
• There's two theories to arguin' with a woman.
• Neither one works.
• Don't get mad at somebody who knows more'n you do.It ain't their fault.
• Always remember your horse hears and smells a whole lot more'n you do.
• There's no place 'round the campfire for a quitter's blanket.
• Only a buzzard feeds on his friends.
• Go after life as if it's something that's got to be roped in a hurry before it gets away.
• Solvin' problems is like throwin' cattle. Dig your heels in on the big ones and catch the little ones 'round the neck.
• Never run from a fight. If you're gonna get hit, it's better to take it in the front than in the back-and it looks better.
• Don't let so much reality into your life that there's no room left for dreamin'.
• The best way to keep your word is not to give it foolishly.
• There's a lot more to ridin' a horse than just sittin' in the saddle and lettin' yer feet hang down.
• Nobody ever drowned himself in his own sweat.
• You don't need decorated words to make your meanin' clear. Say it plain and save some breath for breathin'.
• If you work for a man, ride for his brand. Treat his cattle as if they were your own.
• When you get to where you're goin', the first thing to do is take care of the horse you rode in on.
• Honesty is not somethin' you should flirt with - you should be married to it.
• When you're pickin' a workin' horse, look for one named Screwtail,
• Stump Sucker, Rat's Ass, Pearly Gates, Liver Pill, or Darlin' Jill.
• Leave the Champions and Silvers for the show ring.
• Comin' as close to the truth as a man can come without actually getting' there is comin' pretty close, but it still ain't the truth.
• Always try to be a bit nicer than is called for, but don't take too much guff.
• It's best to keep your troubles pretty much to yourself, 'cause half the people you'd tell 'em to won't give a damn, and the other half will
• be glad to hear you've got 'em.
• It's better to sit on your horse and do nothing than to wear him out chasin' shadows.
• The length of a conversation don't tell nothin' about the size of the
• intellect.
• We might not be so bad off if we had a little less of everything.
• Before you let anybody measure you for the big wooden overcoat, make sure you've wrung all the life out of your livin'.
• A good pard will ride with you till hell freezes over - and a little while on the ice.
• A Texas breakfast is a two-pound hunk of steak, a quart of whiskey, and a hound dog. If you're wondering why you need the dog - well, somebody has to eat the steak.
• When you're in the wrong and you need to set it right, how far you have traveled in the doin' of it has nothing to do with the rightin' of it.
• If you lead somebody around by the nose, it don't say much for them. It says even less for you.
• It's the work, not the clock that tells you when it's quittin' time.
• You can't weigh the facts if you've got the scales loaded down with your opinions.
• See the heavens, smell the air, taste the dust and the alkali, hear the wind and the wild, feel the motion of your horse... On a good day, that's all you need. On a bad day that's all you need.
• When it's your butt that's about to go flyin', try to have more common sense than pride. Go ahead and choke the horn and claw the leather.
• When you forgive and forget, forget that you forgave while you're at it.
• If you're wonderin' what this ol' world is comin' to, you're in the same shoes as your daddy, your daddy's daddy, and every other daddy that's come down the trail.
• If you're ridin' a high horse, there ain't no way to get down off it gracefully.
• The best way to knock a chip off a shoulder is with a friendly pat on the back.
• Advice is like a pot of chili: You should try a little of it yourself before you give anybody else a taste.
• A hand that ain't there when you need it is kinda like a blister - only shows up when the work's all done.
• If the job you did speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
• Doin' things the smart way don't cost half as much as doing 'em the stupid way.
• Nothin' keeps you honest more than witnesses.
• The purest metal comes out of the greatest heat.
• Going faster when you're lost won't help a bit.
• Sometimes it takes a lot more thinkin' to deal with changes than to make 'em.
• If you meet up with an alligator and he's as scared as you are, the water won't be fit to drink.
• If somebody says you ride like you're part of the horse, you might wanta ask 'em which part they're talking about.
• It's better to have a good horse for a year than an ass for all its life.
• Beware the pessimist - the sorta hombre who hangs around the train depot and tells everybody the train "is never gonna get here." When it chugs into view, he says "They'll never get that thing stopped."
• When it stops, he says, "Uh huh, they'll never get it started again."
• When it fires up and heads off, he says, "Well, that's the last we'll ever see of that thing."
• Watch about sayin' "it can't be done." Somebody's liable to interrupt you by doin' it.
• Enjoy being yourself .... Whatever that is.
• Just 'cause you're following a well-marked trail don't mean that whoever made it knew where they were going.
• Always walk tall and keep your head up - unless you're walkin' in a cow pasture.
• Never go through a gate without closing it behind you.
• If your knees hurt too much, your stirrups are too short. If your tail end hurts too much, your stirrups are too long. If they both hurt, your stirrups are just right.
• Money may buy you a dog, but only love can make him wag his tail. When arguin' with a woman, always remember this little phrase, "Maybe you're right."
• When you're puttin' together an outfit, take your time. Wait for all the loose-lipped, manicured cowboys to run their line and wander off. Then make your picks from the wiser heads who stayed around listenin' and thinkin'.
• We come into this world all naked and bare, we go out of this world we know not where. But if we have been good cowboys here, We need not fear what's waitin' for us there."

 

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